In the words of our sages we find the working compartments of the mind divided into three levels. Let's call them "conscious," "subconscious" and "unconscious." (Although these terms may evoke images very far from my intent, they serve as simple labels and I hope they will be understood as such). We will use these divisions to help us organize our ideas and to reveal some very real insights into the Torah view of chinuch.

THE CONSCIOUS:

Thought, the constant conversation that passes through the wakeful mind, is the battleground in the war between the "good inclination" (yeitzer hatov) and the "bad inclination" (yeitzer harah). Every choice which faces us is analyzed - with varying accuracy - in the process of this conversation. The more often we decide in favour of the yeitzer hatov, the better - from a religious perspective - we become.

Rabbi E.E. Dessler observed that in our mental exchanges we usually relate to the yeitzer harah from the perspective of "I" ("I want to eat this"), and the yeitzer tov from the perspective of "You" ("you can't; you're not allowed"). This, he wrote, is the natural condition of man after Adam's original sin. The yeitzer harah has become an intrinsic part of our personality to the point where it has become more "personal" than the yeitzer hatov.

The ultimate goal of chinuch is to elevate a child to the point where he can control his own mental conversations. The speaker of the "you" must always prevail despite the familiarity of the "I".

Not once alone, but constantly must this discipline be strengthened, for even if we develop a "winning formula," God changes the rules of the game, making it more difficult to overcome the "evil side." If this weren't so, explains Rav Dessler, the balance necessary for the existence of free will would be upset.

The truth is, we're not even trying to take away a child's free will, but instead to determine the point where his battle will begin. And even if we would try, we wouldn't likely get far. Tosafos tells us that it is usually impossible to completely overcome the yeitzer harah by changing your basic nature. We must instead focus on designing strategies to deal with it on a long-term basis.

How do we approach a "career-length" battle? By drafting the services of the yeitzer harah itself in our avodah, thereby avoiding altogether the need for confrontation. Chazal hint at this concerning the verse "With all your heart (you must love God)," with both inclinations, good and bad.

THE SUBCONSCIOUS:

On a level normally unfelt and unnoticed, lies the "engine room" of our minds, the storage chamber of our skills, prejudices and preferences. According to Rabbi Yisroel Salanter, these driving forces of our thinking can be deliberately altered.

Rabbi Salanter gives the example of a child at his introduction to the alphabet. Each letter requires great concentration and effort to grasp. Once, however, the ground has been broken (and there is no long period of disuse), he can at any time be called upon to recite the alphabet — a feat he can instantly perform with no great effort.

What happened? Study, coupled with intellectual or emotional effort leaves a lasting impression on the subconscious level. Even though he may not be constantly aware of his knowledge, our child still has the information stored away, available for instant recall. Conversely, a book read too quickly and without concentration is soon forgotten, never having made an impression.

Rabbi Salanter applied this idea to the learning of personality traits and habits — in effect, to aid in the battle against the conscious bad inclination. If, for example, someone finds himself becoming angry too often (i.e., once), he might choose passages in appropriate mussar works or verses in Tanach dealing with the advantages of tranquility and the indignity of anger, and read them with great concentration and effort. If repeated enough, an automatic response based on the Torah-message should surface in times of stress and help prevent anger.

This method has many applications to chinuch. To teach, for example, the importance of Bircas Hamazon, a parent could gently encourage a child to recite the prayer because he has to express gratitude to HaShem. Later, when the child finds himself in circumstances where Bircas Hamazon is inconvenient, the subconscious message should surface and encourage him to take the time to "thank HaShem."

Does your three-year-old say things that aren't strictly speaking true (i.e., does he lie - "Mommy said I could have it")? Try telling him - while in the car or going for a walk, in a neutral atmosphere — that "we always tell the truth, don't we?" Repeat it often enough so that he gets the message, but not so often that it becomes rote or a joke. Then wait. Things should change.

The trick is to introduce the idea in a way by which the child will internalize the message on his own, creating a personal subconscious "file." This obviously works in the realm of book-learning. Using a little imagination and foresight, it can be useful in chinuch in the wider sense.

THE UNCONSCIOUS:

There exist predispositions in human character that the Gemara labeled inborn (mazel). Such traits are so deeply rooted in a person's personality that it is extremely difficult to fundamentally alter them.

For example, according to the Gemara, there are people who, because of their inborn nature, are more likely to succumb to the urge to kill. The Torah does not tell them to discipline and reform their nature, but to choose between lives as (armed) bandits, shochtim or mohelim. Each "career" is a full expression of his character-type, and not a contradiction to it. Each is within his grasp - since he is only expected to work with and direct the "tools" he was born with, not create new ones.

I know a man who as a teenager had wanted nothing more than to become a doctor (something that entails serious halachic problems; he is a cohen). He was taken to one of the Gedolai Hador for permission and advice on fulfilling his dream. Instead, the Rabbi encouraged him to "heal Jewish souls." This teenager became a wildly successful Jewish outreach worker, perhaps due in large part to the forsight of the Godol, who recognized his true personality and its strengths, and channeled him in a direction complementary to them.

Understanding the parts of a child's nature that are unchangeable is among the hardest, yet most important tasks of chinuch. Mislabeling a trait as "sub-conscious" rather than "unconscious" can be at best counterproductive. Some children simply do not have what it takes to become the neatest and most organized members of the family. Some, however, are just lazy. The lazy one can be trained to work with his problem. But his brother may face fifteen years of open warfare before his parents realize that nothing's going to change.

To even ask the advice of an expert, you must first be able to describe your child. Dealing with each individual child requires great thought and planning. Only with our best efforts, tefilah and HaShem's help can we hope to succeed.